|Sunday, June 9th, 2002|
6:25 pm - Rob on: The Meaning Of Life.
Sometimes I get the feeling that the entire point of my existance is serve as an example to other people.|
As if I were a walking warning sign that read: This Could Happen To You!
My entire life has been nothing but one great giant dissappointment to me. I constantly find myself yearning for things I can never have.
Like a girlfriend for example...
current mood: down
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|Monday, May 6th, 2002|
3:10 pm - Rob on: Addictions and what not...
I have to write something, anything everyday. Even if it's just a simple word, I cannot stand going through the day without doing this. Usually it's a mini-story about a paragraph or so long and has something to do with a big bloody battlefield and is highly detailed in a rather morbid way.|
I HAVE to lay down on my left side, with my legs slightly curled, one hand resting under my pillow and one arm completely streched out in order to get to sleep.
I HAVE to turn on the radio at least once each day. I cannot make it through an entire day without some sort of musical interlude at least once. Trust me, I have tried, it's not a pretty sight. Think crack head minus cash, going without a fix for a few days and locked inside of a room from which thee is no escape with nothing to occupy his/her time but the cravings and whatever insane rambeling are going on inside the fukkers head.
I have quit smoking 14 times in just the past year. I still smoke.
I have quit coke, sprite, mountian dew, dr.pepper, mr. pibb, jolt cola, rc cola, verner's, a&w, and mug, but I just can't stop myself from buying 1 or 2 2liters of Pepsi on a DAILY basis.
I am obsessed with "chasing the muff", even though I've only managed to convince one chik to sleep with me in my whole patheticly sheltered life.
I USUALLY "update" my journal(s) on a daily basis.
I am the proud owner of the following livejournals:
I am the proud owne of the following deadjournal:
I have FAAAAAAAAAAR too many journals, and I can't help but laugh at myself about it.
I wonder if this makes me obsessive compulsive, an ljwhore, or both?
current mood: amused
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|Tuesday, January 22nd, 2002|
5:12 am - Rob On: Life, Liberty, The Pusuit Of Happiness, Long Distance Relationships And How To Kick Some Ass
1 Life is sweeter than ver. Lots of changes being made in my life lately. They're gonna put me on a register at my work. My best friend got a transfer to my department, I've got a girl, she lives in a diffrent state than me, but hey... It's something... And we've both liked each other for a lon time, but never really tried to make a go of it untill recently. My finger is of course still broken, but it's getting better now. I got a raise. I did the math on my tax returns, and even without all the data I can tell this is gonna be my biggest return yet. In fact it will b large enough that I might just be able to pay for my trip ta go see the goil using just it plus still have a few bucks ta buy some junk with. =0) Also came to the conclusion that Im not gonna keep being all depressed about not being able to join the armed services just because I've got a screwy spine and fallen arches. If I really wanted to join I could always get the corrective surguries and then apply again, but at this point having the goil now and a few other things have made me decide that for me personally to join would be a waste since with my luck I'd get shot in the ass or something out in some country I could give a fuck less about 1 way or the other and end up hobbelin around for the rest of my life with a friggen cane or sumfin.|
2 Liberty in Amercia is over rated. When was the last time you were able to take a piss in some bushes when you couldnt find a public toilet anywhere around without having to worry about getting busted by the cops? I mean hell... If you get sick one day and end up puking your guts out on the sidewalk, and some cop sees you, you might end up with a littering ticket... Although being able to listen to whatever you want and speaking your mind is kinda cool. Just make sure that if you ever have to cuss out a cop you've got a micro-recorder with you so you can tape the whole thing, and also make sure that instead of saying stuf like "Fuck you, you asshole!" you say stuff like "Fuck you! I THINK you're an asshole!" or "Fuck you! I THINK you're being an asshole!" The key here is to say the phrase "I think" because at that point you are establishing that you are stating you opinion and are therefore using your 1st amendment "freedom of speach", other wise, if you do not say "I think" or "in my opinion" you could end up with charges of slander and some other more nasty things too boot.
3 My pursuit of happiness is coming soon. It involves a trip to Illinois, but Im fairly certian it will work out for the best. =0)
4 LDRs rawk. Only prob is that I wish my goil was "With me" instead of just "with me" if that makes any sence to you.
5 Finnaly... If you wanna kick some ass try practacing on your self. Merely stand on one leg and swing the free leg back and forth in a soccor ball kicking motion untill the heel of your foot comes into contact with one of your ass cheeks. When you can knock yourself over by kicking your own ass too hard you're then ready t go kick someone else's ass. Please note: If you end up kicking yourself between the cheeks you may want to work on youir aim, and if you like kicking yourself between the cheeks then you're just a sick bastard and I suggest you seek immeadiate professional help before it's too late...
current mood: silly
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|Wednesday, December 26th, 2001|
2:20 am - Rob on: Broken Fingers, Battered Egos,Eccentric Ids, And Baldness...
1 Having a broken finger sucks. Oddly enough though, when it's the ourth time that you've broken one inger in particular, I've found that it is much more acceptable and humorus.|
2 Breaking your finger when you know it only happened merely because of the fact that you are a clumsy assed bastard and the break is a dircet result of that tends to make you feel a bit annoying with self, and puts you in a slight case of self pity, although in hindsight it gives you a great thing to laugh about.
3 (In the great words of Dennis Miller) I view a visit to the psychiatrist in the same way I view a visit to the barber. When you walk in the door you head is in ruins and feels like shit, when you leave it looks and feels absolutely wonderful but about half an hour later it starts to get all messed up again and you just cant seem to get it to behave in the same way again on your own. Umm, Doctor? Yeah... Can I get a little moose for my id?
4 I decided that I needed a change in hair styles. My previous style: Hop in the shower. Brush hair for 30 minutes. Give up on it and hop back into the shower since hair is now completely dried out and steadfastly refuses to be manageable. Get out of shower fiddle around with hair for an hour. Give up on it, toss on a baseball cap and walk out the door. New style(as of 3:30am last night): Fiddle with hair for 2 hours. Give up oon it. Hop into shower for the 4th time that day. Hop out. Fiddle around with hair for an hour. Give up, grab the clippers & have a blast. My hair is now about 1 centimeter long. Hey, at least I wont have to worry about brushing my hair for awhile, and it's still there even if you do have a great view of my scalp.
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|Friday, December 14th, 2001|
10:27 am - Rob On: Staying Awake For Forty + Hours
Been up for over 40 hours now. It's odd. I'm tired, and I'm yawning, and I feel physically drained, but at the same time I feel like I have alot of pent up energy just waiting for the right moment to release itself upon on the world. It is somewhat unnerving when you dont feel hyper, but you know that deep down inside you, and very soon you're going to be.
current mood: groggy
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|Wednesday, December 12th, 2001|
9:29 am - Rob On: Cigarettes, Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, Rock & Roll, & Birth Control... Did I Leave Anything Out???
Do you smoke? I do. If you do, has it ever occured to you that by the time you die, the average smoker smoke enough tobbaco, that if it were a tree, you would have smoked a California RedWood. Oddly enough, this is the tallest tree in the world sometimes reaching heights in excess of 500 feet. Also it is coniferous, so it stays green all year long even in times of rain, sleet, or snow, and since it is indiginous to Northern California, it gets to see lots o snow.
Not quite sure why, but I've really been craving a fukkin Guiness lately. Maybe it has to do with the fact that it's been so fukkin long since I got really smashed. Perhaps my mind is searching for a numbing agent.... Hmmm.....
Also up on the list of things I'm currently craving is a fukkin bowl man. Or a blunt. Or even just some little pinner of a j. Haven't had, or even seen pot in like damn near 3 years now, and it's kinda bugging me considering how fukking addicted I was to the stuff. What I really dont get is how they can legalize alcohol but not weed. They should fukking have weederettes put some sort of stupid age limit on it like 21 or whatever so that they can have an excuse to sell it, and justify it the same way they do beer: "Well hey, at least we're being responsible about it." A friend of mine at work was talking about how she tried pot a few times and how it made her all paranoid. WTF? What is it with these idiots talking about weed making you paranoid? It mellows you out, makes you hungry, makes you thirsty, makes anyone, even Rosanne Barr, funny, but not ONCE did I ever get paranoid when I was smoking it. Then again, maybe it was because I just never gave a shit, but still. If I never experienced this fabeled paranoia, then why should every one else? Fukkit.
Sex: I need to get laid. That is all.
Listening to a whole shit load of new stuff lately. It's odd really. For a long time I was always one step ahead of all my friends when it came to finding new cool bands. When I was in highschool, I listened to alot of mainstream rock, but I was also listening to some bands that hardly anybody knew about before they made it, if theyu even made it at all. I had the access, I had the exposure. Then I moved out here, and from my viewpoint alot of nothing happened in the world of rock for a few years, and now it seems like there has been another explosion of rock, but I'm finding out that alot of the stuff Im thinking is new is really old and came out during my few years of musical exclusion. Odd.
I really am thinking seriously about getting wither that bass, or getting another drum set and starting over from scratch. I need to get good. And I need to get good fast. I have enough talent, it's just a matter of refining it. I may not do good when it comes to actual singing, but I can grunt and growl with the best of them, in fact, I'm egotistical eenough that I can say Im better than the best without even flinching. I know I can write too. I've been fukking writing sinc I was 4. I've been "writing" since I was 6, and I've been writing songs since I was 7. After the party the other night, and that talk I had with my buddy George, I just really think that if there was ever a chance of my doing something productive with this hobby of mine, now is the time. Besides, even if I only became the member of a local band, there would still be chiks soooo.... lalalalalalalala >=0)
Birth Control: I had an ipiphany the other night. There are fewer dogs and cats in our country than thee are humans, even when you group them together against us, and yet by law, unless you breeed them, you are required to have thier genitals mutilated. Why? Who came up with this dumb ass law, and why did we as a supposedly free country take away the right of pets owners to make this decision for themselves? Why must you force your down the throats of the pet owning populace in this country? And what of people? Shall we take China's 2 kid law oone step further and spay or nuder our children at birth unless we have written court documentation saying that our children have a licence to breed once they attain adulthood? Or will they do this after puberty and allow the individual to make that choice for him or herself? Also what the fuck is going on in these sex ed classes lately? I mean are they actually allowing hands on experience these days or something? Dont they tell kids abut condoms & the morning after pill? Dont they try to instill into the kids the massive sence of responcability that comes with the terrritoy of being a parent and howmuch having a child before you get out of school can royally fuck your life up? I swear I cant go further than a 1/4 of a mile in this town without seeing some fucking teeny bobber dragging along his or her child. I wonder how it makes the parents of these adolecent parents feel when they find out that they are going to be grand parents before they even hit 45 or 50. Do they not allow abortions for teens anymore or something? I mean shit. It's fucking ridiculas the amount of teenages out here that have children already. I dont even want to think about the ratios and statistics involved. Sidenote: I've heard that according to the census of last year and also according to a privately funded poll taking earlier this year, 1 out of evey three people in my city not only has an STD, but has the HIV/AIDS virus.... So I'm wandering down the street, looking at all these children with children of thier own saying to myself... Clean, Clean, She's got & so does her kid. Clean, Clean, He's got it so does his kid.
Gotta love genetics dontcha? Maybe it's a good thing I havent had any since, well ever... but Hmm.....
I give up. I need to get laid, just not by any of the psychos around here. I bet if I showed any of them a condom they'd think it was some sort of saran wrap specially designed for hotdogs and sausages.
current mood: disgrunteled
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|Monday, December 3rd, 2001|
3:20 pm - Hello...
I am alive still. Much to the shagrine of the majority of you, I know. But such is life. Full of disappointing disappointments.
current mood: accomplished
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|Wednesday, October 24th, 2001|
10:17 pm - Just saw this dumb ass commercial on the TV...
Had these 2 dudes on a train and all these cowdudes showed up and they were gonna rob one of the dudes, but they didnt because he had some special Visa card, but then they start chasing after the other dude because he appearantly didnt have this magical, keep the ruffians from ruffian my ass up Visa card.|
I just looked in my wallet.
All I could find was 2 bux, a rather large piece of pocket lint, a one of those cards for getting discounts at a super market, and my employee time badge.
Good thing I get paid tommorow.
Are those "Yeeeehaws" and horses hooves pounding down the street I hear?
Paranoia, whats in your wallet?
current mood: bouncy
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10:13 pm - lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.......
Ever wonder what life would be like if we were all boxes of choclate?|
Personally, I wonder if us guys would still wanna get into a chiks pants, because after all, it would be alot harder to tell whose nuts, and who just has nice mounds.....
current mood: crazy
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10:05 pm - DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
I like, have a LJ sister or something!|
Going for a LiveJournay, but instead of tracing how many people it would take to get back to me, I instead find like a fraternal twin or sumfin.
What's REALLY odd about it though is that we appearantly even created our accounts withen a few days of each other.
Oh yeah, dont bothe this person though, cus I just promised to leave'em alone. lol.
current mood: amused
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|Wednesday, October 10th, 2001|
11:59 am - Rob on: Stare Date-10102001
Stardate....One... Zero, One... Zero... Two... Zero, Zero... One....
Today.... sux... ass.
The crew... has all... died.
Boredom... is taken.... control....
Cabin fever... making.. us... do things... we... wouldn't... normally... do.
First.... Officer Speck... insulted me... today.
He... said... I sound... like an idiot.
Then... taunted me... abiout needing a... speech...THEREAPIST! I set my phase to... shake and bake... then... I ... roasted... his... half .... balkin... ass.
Bones... got tired.... of... my... dramatic... pauses... also.
He... says to me... he says... Dammit Jim! Im... a doctor... I'm... not fluent... in gibberish.... that's just the language.... I write... out presrictions.... in....
I... had to... break... his ...scrawny.... little... head off........
A few female.... offficers... tried... to restrain me.... but I managed... to seduce them... by shaking... my money make.... and jiggely around... my beer belly.... Once... in the throws.... of passion... I managed to.. rip thier arms.... and used them... to beat the offi...cers.... into..... bloody stumps.....
Now... I'm off to Rigal 9... for... a little sex & relaxation.... ummmmmm... rest, and re...lax...ation
current mood: Kirk...ish
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9:32 am - Rob on: More of the same old endless dribble....
Am I the only one whose noticed just exactly how long winded I've become in my postongs since I killed off my DesTroll account????|
I never used to make posts that were this long unless they were episodes of DesCenter.
Speaking of which, I haven't made one of those in ages.
Food for thought.
current mood: curious
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|Monday, October 8th, 2001|
1:09 pm - Rob on: Stupid Emloyers, Mixed Up Hours, Changing Numbers, & Free Shtuffs
Well... Hmmm... I was scheduled to be at work at noon today.|
Sometimes I really fukkin swear that the people I work for are dumb as fuck.
I keep telling these people that I flatly canNOT work before 3pm during the week. Weekends, hey I can get there at noon no prob, but NOT on the weekdays. Stupid people make me sick.
I got my schedule changed so I dont have to be there untill 3 today. Oh yeah. Joy and rapture. They're always screwing around with my schedule.
About a month ago I worked for 8 days in a row because I was scheduled for 3 days off out of the 8, but people up front and in the bakery kept calling in sick so my bosses called me in to work each time.
2 weeks ago I ended up work 7 straight because of the same damn shit.
Today I get to work in the bakery too, could have sworn they told me that the last time I worked bakery would BE the last time I would ever have too. Asswipes.
Gave them the new phone number.
The other day some tweg called in sick and they called my old number and spoke to some idiot telling this person that I was supposed to come on at 3. Not my number. My old number. They already had the new one so why bother calling the old one at all when it's not mine anymore and I had already made that clear to them? Somebody who actually had a brain decided that at 4:30 after I hadn't ben there for and hour and a half that maybe they should try calling my new number too see what the fuck. I explained why I wasn't there at 3 and the pperson who called up more than likely flet stupid about the other person calling my old number. They did seem to kinda stutter for a secon or two after I explained that that wasn't my phone anymore so any messages left for me at that number wouldn't be recieved by me EVER. A little slow on the uptake these people.
They did convince me to come in anyways with the promise of free shtuffs though. When I got there instead of the kind of free stuff I was expecting, what had been hinted at (Telling me about free Pepsi and smokes gets me everytime.) I ended up getting enough stars on my employee point card that I can turn it in for 15 bux worth of freee stuff at my work via gift certs. PROBLEM WITH THIS: Nobody was on with whom I could redeem this. The one person there who might have been able to do this for me opted to make me wait untill today to try because he could find the 10, but not the 5, and he flatly REFUSED to give me 2 of the $2.50 gift certs instead.(I think Mark could probably sing Dennis Leary's "Asshole" pretty fukkin good!)
So. Offf ta shower. Off ta work. Off ta raise cain.
One a bright and happy note....
Thje other day when I went in on my day off, I was so pissed about life. the universe, & my job that when I left work 45 mins late (That was my idea) the bakery was cleaner that it has ever been in the 10 months that I worked there. And yes, today is my 10 month anniversary for work there. This makes it official. This is the LONGEST that I hjave ever kept a job. Funny thing is: The ONLY time I was fired was when I threatened to beat the shit outta my boss and call the cops on him if he didnt stop sexually harassing my co-worker/brother's fiance' (Now his ex-wife), and I had that job for about 4 or 5 months.
I guess I just get a kick out of the expressions people make when I tell them to fuck off. I can be so rude and yet polite and calm about it at the same time. Hehehehehehhehehehehehehe >=0)
Who ever said that nice guys cant have fun?
Anyways, yeah, shower. Work. Cause mass panic and confusion. Come home. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Crash. With as much as I really truely eat, it astonishes me, and just about everybody else that I know, that I haven't been anywhere near fat or even "soft" since I was 13. LOOK EVERYBODY! ITS THE AMAZING TWIG SHAPED GARBAGE DISPOSAL! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! HIDE YOUR FOOD AND RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
Transmission ending in 3....2....1....
current mood: awake
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|Sunday, October 7th, 2001|
4:25 pm - Rob on: That Last Post I Made....
It just dawned on me how much I just blasted religion and religious people in that last post. Ok, umm, sory if I offened anybody. Didn't mean too. I was just illustrating how annoying people can get about something as bogus as religion. Not any one religion in particular either. To me, IN MY OWN GOD DAMMED OPINION (which I have the genetic and law given right too have BTW) ALL religions are silly, and VERY questionable in authenticity.|
Now if someone was to show me REAL factual proof that thierr diety(dieties) exist, then I might give it another thought. Maybe, doubtful, but maybe.
Anybody wants to flame me about this, or that last post, then by all means, go ahead and waste yor time, because I really dont fukkin care, and I'll just ignore you anyways.
Having gotten that out of the way, once again, I apologise for any misconceptions or feelings of anger/hatred whatever. I however these posts put a smile on your face or maybe even made ya laugh, then I'm happy to have abliged.
---End Extremely Sarcastic Apology Session---
Current Mood: Still bored, Still Hungry, Still a Non-Religious Extremist.(Long Live Darwinism!)
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4:21 pm - Rob on: Down Time
If there was ever a day of the week that I would claim to hate the most, which I never will because everyday is just another day to me, it would probably be Sunday.|
For starters thee's always that mad rush of religious nuts making all that racket with the honking of horns and thundering around in incomphrehensibly large droves franticly running around trying to find the shortest speediest way to church so they can get thier weekly doses of guilt and self-pity because they're all "such bad little sinners" and then try to make themselves feel good by getting told of the nearly impossable to believe deeds of thier "ancestors" and by getting told that no matter what they do wrong or how badly they feel about it, thier all loving god will tell them "Chil dude! I'm all forgiving remember? Just walk right over here past the pearly gates and you'll be singing on stage with Elvis in no time". That is unless of course this all knowing god thing decides to banish them to hell, but bein so all-forgiving you'd think he wouldn't. Hmmmm.... Thougt provoking....
That ruckus usually tends to wake me up early. Like around 6 or 7, when for what it's worth I should be allowed to sleep in til I damn well feel like getting up and facing the day. And the noise doesn't stop untill around 2 or 3 when the last of the churches finnaly decides to stop boring it's congrigation to sleep with tales of how David did this with some dumb rock and how so-and-so's wife tuned to salt because she watched this all forgiving god dude set fire to a town of people he didn't like too much. (Wonders to self if those burned up like pieces up charcol type people went to hell or not. Also onders if thier pets were punished for having such "evil sinners" as thier owners/masters/friends...)
Then thee is the sheer boredom. Now, I may not hate any one day in particular, I really dont, but despite that fact I can say without the slightest hesitation for a moments thought and with total and complete sencertity that Sunday is the most boring day of all time. Always and without fail Sunday has held the title of most boring day in my own personal week EVERY week for the last 8 years running. And it held that title for most of the weeks before that, although there were a ffew exceptions prior. Such as my most boring day of all time which happened to be a Thursday when I was 5 and had the chicken pox.
Now, having successfully vented on the aspect of boredom, I move on to something else just ever so slightly diffrent.
From "Down Time" we shall now traverse to the other side of the page, "Take The Leap" so to speak, "Time Filler".
Filling my time. Many possabilites lay before me now on the open road of the afternoon. I could choose to stay online a bit longer, but nay I say, that would most undoubtedly prove to be just as, if not more borin than, what I am currently doing which is, to be blunt, JACK-FUKKIN-SHIT MAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!! >=0P
Another possability would be to fire up the good ole' GBA and have some fun nintendo style.
I could play Advance Wars some more (been doing that alot lately. Great game. Top of the line dude!) Then again there's always my simcity type thang called Jurrasic Park III: Park Builder. It's actually less like Sim City and more like Theme Park or Roller Coaster Tycoon though, but with Dinosaur instead of rides.
Then there's Castlevania:Circle of the Moon (Dont play it anymore. After having beat it 3 times in 3 days it gets somewhat boring.) and Fire Pro Wrestling (Another game I just might actually play. I just cant help it, theres nothing quite like using a thug or a sumo wrestling type fool to stomp, crunch, and flatten a Luchadore(that would be one of those mexican masked acrobatic wrestler freakazoids.).) and then there's Iridion 3d (In my Opinion it's got to be one of the WORST outerspace shooters of all time! The hit detection is lousy, the enemies are way to fast for you to be able to really destroy many of them, not to mention they're armored as all hell, and you fighter's so weeak that if somebody so much as sneezes when they're 15 feet away from it, it'll fall to pieces. It's ONLY saving grace it the artwork. That at least is cool. Oh yeah, if you see anything about the code "INV1S4BL3" or "INV1NS4BL3", the REAL code is the first one, and it DOESN'T make you invinsable like everybody keeps saying. It starts you off on the first level with approximatly 12 to 13 lives, and your ship takes just as much damage as it always has. Which is none. 1 hit bye-bye shields, 2 hits bye-bye ship.) or one of my games from my now dust covered GBC, but to be honest I dont feel like gaming at all right now.
I would read, but I dont want to read anything right now unless I know I can finish it in a few hours and my magazines dont seem to be working so well, besides all my "real" books are between 501 pages (My copy of Micheal Chriton's "Time Line") to 1,607 pages (My copy of "The Complete Hitchhiker's Guide", Douglas Adams. It has all 5 Books in the Guide series plus some little 6 page short called "Young Zaphod Plays It Safe" that's all about him being an intergalactic tow truck type thang driver trying to salvage a crashed ship on the bottom of some overlooked world's ocean for a couple of goverment type dudes.) long, so I seriously doubt I could finish any of those in just one afternoon, unless I took a 5 minute crasah course in speed reading.(Thinks to self: Hey! NEW MARKETING SCHEME! New! Improved! As Seen On Tv! It's The 5 Minutes Crash Course In Speed Reading Introductory Tape & Cd Set! Not 10000000 bux, Not 10000 Bux, not even 100 BUX! Now, for this LIMITED TIME it's only 4 simple payment of $19.95! Pay by check or credit card, sorry no money orders or C.O.D.s. Act now and you'll recieve this free gift: The How to quit Buying Things From Your TV 16,000 page long instruction guide that makes it easy for you to look at your TV and realise that yiu dont really need al that crap they keep selling on it for 4 simple monthly payments of $19.95. ****Pupils turn green and metamorphosize into dollar signs****)
Then there's always tv. Blah. And the VCR. Uhg. Radio? nothin but crap plays on it at this time of day in my area. Gotta wait till about 8 or 9 at night before they start playing any kind of rock that actually rox. (Note to self: Must sue music industry for continueing to falsey advertise certian bands as rock when they are really country and pop despite my numerous threats to kill them all. Sid note: After winning the millions Im gonna make em pay out thier collective ass, must kill them all.)
I guess that for now I'll just wander around the house and try to search out some snacky type grubbage. Yes, I've got the munchies and I'm not even high. Yeah me. Whoopdy shit.(That would be me version of the age old phrase "Whoopdy Doo". You know, it's that one sarcastic remark everybody uses to show thier total and complete lack of interest they have when being told about something that the other person would really get them excited???)
Ok, this post is starting to look longish. Gnna go hunt out the munchables, then maybe hop in the shower for a few. Already took one today, but hey, at least it would be relaxing to take another, and it's not like the time is just zippin past or anything. Wish I stil had some cash left from my check. I want pizza. Hmmmm pizza ***Does the Homer Simpson: rolls eyes in to the back of his head, opens mouth, lets tounge fall out, stands there devoid and unaware of all that surounds him, and proceeds to drol all over himself***
Aaaaaaaaaaand on that note, ..... we que the exit.
current mood: BORED OUTTA MY GOURD, hungry 2
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|Thursday, October 4th, 2001|
9:49 am - Rob on: Rambeling and thought streams...
Have you ever noticed how my posts seem simple enough at first, and they look like they may just actually be short for a change, but just when you think I can't possably extend the monolouge any longer I go off on a totally unrelated tangent, and some how miraculously manage to find some lame ass way that the first thing might just be related to the second thing after all even though it makes absolutely no sence what so ever? Then you're sitting there thinking that you must have missed something, so you re-read it, and notice that you didnt miss anything but it is starting to make some wierd sort of sence even though my spelling still makes it a bit incomprhensibal????|
The other day I was sitting at the bench outside of my work, and I started writinmg qa little short story, and after about 2 hours (it's nice and quite at the bench outsid of the store so I find I've been doing alot of my writing there. People think it's wierd, as they should because it is, but that's ok cuz nobody bothers me too much.) of sitting there waiting to for myu shift to start, I nioticed that what had started out as a simple enough short story was now a 16 page non-stop monolouge about how the grass is always greener on Mars, and how in the future we wont need women, except for as sex slaves because there will be cloning and we can alter genetic traits to make sure everybody is either a guy or a chik with enormous breasts and brain the size of a marble.
It was REALLY strange to me considering that I dont normally think that way. As a matter of fact I tend to realllt like chiks and think they should have all the rights and equal pay and al that shit that they've been trying to get for the last 2 hundred years or so. But the thing is that it is a perfect example of what I was talking about earlier, and this statrement, this whole paragraph is a good example too now that I think about it.
I just went off on some totally unrelated tangent, with no warning at all, about something completely off the subject, and I made it part of the subject. like an omage to what I had just said earlier. Like proof of the fact that I do this on a regular basis.
I started doing this a long time ago too. I did it quite by accident once when I was still just a little tyke, a few months or so after I got trampled as a matter of fact, and when I noticed the adverse affect tht it usually has on people, I started focring myself to replicate that situation as much as possable, untill now it just comes naturally and when people get into a conversation with me they usually walk away a bit confused, a bit annoyed, a bit unsure of what just happened, and a bit of the mind set that I am truely one warped/psycho fuck.
And one that note we que the music....
***Dresses up like a Klingon and sings kareoke to "The Bohemian Rhapsody" By Queen.***
current mood: devious
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|Sunday, September 30th, 2001|
12:09 am - Rob On: The shorter version.
Dont NEED anyone.
Im content with just being myself.
As a matter f fact, so far as Im concerned, any one who may want to "get hooked up with me" (a group of people which includes absolutely noone as far as I am prive to know) can just plain bugger off, because I'll have no pert of it. I'm too busy trying to figure myself out to try figuring you out as well fuckhead.
All is well.
And all that isn't well???
Well it shall be shortly.
I can assure you of that.
My mind is quite fast, even if I do lack the ability to type fast.
And when it comes to searching for things lost in the void my mind, it realy doesnt takee all that long. Just need something to trigger the memory, and I've so manythings cluttering up my pad that something is sure to hit the right button fairly soon now that I know what it is in my head that Im looking for.
current mood: optimistic
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|Saturday, September 29th, 2001|
11:51 pm - Rob On: Nothing, Everything, & Everything lying therein and in-between
"Im obone, Im 2 tone, Red as a newnorn, White as a corpse"|
Light goes on, Light goes off. Such is the way and the workings of my mind and my minds eye.
Think of one thing and promptly shut the drawer, and lock up the cabinet on another thought.
Case closed. 'Nuff said. So zip up yer fly, cuz yer done shaking it out asshole.
Light on: Chiks.
Light off: Need one.
Light on: You haven't found one yet
Light off: You're just looking for the right one.
LIGHT ON: The main reason that I have'nt found one yet is because I neve really felt the need for one in the first place, no matter how hard I tried convincin myself that I do.No, Im not "coming out" far from it. I'm not homosexual, and even a blind man could tell you that.
The thing about me is that I'm diffrent.
Not "difffrent" in the respect that I'm that machoesque loner cowboy who drives a harley when he's not coaxing his horse into some death defing jump.
Not "diffrent" in the respect that you could classify all the goth freaks out there who are "so diffrent from everybody else" but almost always seem to have the same past, the same childhood, the same piercings and tattoos that signify thier "diffrence".
Not diffrent is any kind of sence that may seem like I'm putting myself up on somesort of ego-maniacal/tripsidasical pole. No no no.
You're not even on the same wave length.
I'm diffrent in the respect that I am just the same as eveybody else and comfortable and knowledgable about it. And in the fact that I have fun with it. But this is not the diffrence that I speak of. Not entirely.
I'm diffrent in the sence that I have never actually discovered any of tangible evidence pointing myself to myself, telling myself just exactly who I am. Most people get dropped these little hints along the way. Sparringly so. Sometim,es shrouded out and held invisable hostage by the mundane, but they are there regardless of wether or you see them all the time, or even if you believe in them at all.
What I HAVE seen, and what I DO believe in is the hints people drop me on what THEY think I am, what they see in my, what they think my potential is or is not, and what I should or should not do with it.
A yes. These factors play a tremendous large amount of a role in your interpersonal relationships.
Let's say you got a good as a consultant for anaccounting firm. Nice lil' desk desk. Pays good money, but that's not what's important to you, what you love about the job so much is th people you've befriended at the office and the fact that it puts steak in your belly.
One day, a few years after netting this job you love so much that you work at it laboriously and on rare occasions when you're a little backed up you secret away some work home to finish it all on time so you can make sure they neve want to get a replacement for you, an old friend ffrom highschoool bumps into you. You have lunch. Person inquires about your job "So what DO you do man?"
You tell this person, and in a riotous fit of laughter they rip you job, your life to shreds.
"YOU'RE A FUCKING PENCIL PUSHING YUPPIE!*laughs* OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT!*laughs*I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE A GEEK!"
For the rest of the day, maybe a week, maybe a month, a year or for the rest of your life even, this simple conversation has completely shattered your image of your job, an you now see it no longer as an escape from the mundane, but just another fascet of the mundane itself.
Your day, at the very least is shot to shit, and your attitude proves it. Reinforces it as a matter of fact. Anger brews anger. Hatred spawns hatred. And misery loves company.
You go back to the office and fool yourself into "realising" what a total bunch o dickwads you work with.
AND GUESS WHAT?
That's right, even when yoou get home you still aren't feeling any better. And hey, there's your significant other. Oh, hey I never noticed that line on thier face before?
Oooooooodd. We've been married 5? 6? years?
Hey, is that a scar hun? Or is it just a wrinkle?
Wow, never noticed that twichy thing they do with thier upper lip whenever they have bad news to give me.
It's kinda ugly.
A million doubts are racing through your mind, and all because of a bad experience that spawned a poor attitude.
And all because someone, not so quaintly hinted at the fact that you could be/could have been more.
The truth of the matter is that in essance, I never grew up.
Im 21 years old, but in many respects Im still just a bright eyed, snot nosed, mud covered little punk kid. And somewhere in my mind that little kid, where ever he may be hiding is still trying to convince me that girls have cooties, or something to that effect.
He's telling me/ Im telling myself/ Im finnaly understanding that a few things need to be taken care of first, before I can gain a truely active interest in obtaining a significant other of my own.
Thiose things have to due with finding my true self. Not the person I can be in the arms of some random female I may or may not bump into in the course of my time and suddenly decided matter of factly that she is "the one", but the self that I can be when I am byself, out in public, with friends, with family, anywhere, everywhrere, all the time.
I need to find that one true aspect of my own personal Robdom, that makes me me, that makes me tick, and makes me strive to suceed.
The reason I stand out in the crowd today is because I amplify the biosterous, loud mouthed, jovial, and foul mouthed aspect of my pesonality, but that is not all of me, that is just a scratch on the surface of my own personal iceburg.
What I need to do is to grab thepick axe and start hammering away untill I reach the very core off my being, and once I clean up the mess, I need to have a nice long sit downtalk-a-thon with that person so I can clean up the real mess and getrid of all my excess crap and garbage.
No need to dig up the past. No need t bury the present.
No need to speak of things best left unsaid.
All I need is to ask myself truthful questions and give myself truthful,intelligent answers.
The mysteries of man lay not withen our genetic ancestrism, nor in our space or hell bound future, but in our present. for the true mystery of man is what makes him tick.
And I for one intend to find out why I tock.
tick tock tick tock tick tock....
Times a wasting.
Wasted 21 + years lookng for all th wrong answers in all the wrong places for all the wrong reasons.
I know where Im going now. Deep withen.
I know what's burning me up inside and lighting the fire unde my cauldren. Im uncertian of the true scope and magnitutde of everything I've ever heard, said, or done.
And I know what questions need to be asked. Who are you. What are. And why are you so blind.
I imagine that untill I have these answers I'll be posting with just as much irradic irregularity as normal, I also imagine that once I do have the answers, my other absences from LJ Land will seem like shrt little weekend get aways in comparison.
In the words of Stroke 9: "How Many People Wanna Kick Some Ass?"
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|Tuesday, September 25th, 2001|
9:54 am - Rob on: Dilation.
Are Dilated Enough?|
Eye contact plays a vital role in the relationships we human have and make on a daily basis.
For the most part, we humans try our damndest to make eye contact with everybody we meet, wether as part of our daily routine, or just some body in passing.
And the odd thing is that most people aren't even aware of the fact that they are doing this.
It's almost a subconcious process.
A handful of people out there know what the score is, and how they can exploit it to thier advantage, and more still know about it, understand it, but dont know how to master it.
The real trick lyes in the fact, that there is nothing to it that needs mastering.
If you can see, they you can make eye contact.
It's really not that hard when put into practice.
Take your household pet for example, or even just look at yourself in the mirror if you dont have a pet.
Now focus on the eyes.
One of two things should happen.
The eyes of you or your subject will either contract, or they will enlarge.
It's that simple.
(Please note: There is a chance that the subjects pupils will increase or decrease in size, that indicates a curiosity in the current situation, but they aren't so sure of what exactly is going on. Also note, this test will be discomrforting to most humans, and damn near all dogs.)
Now comes the tricky part.
You're at a club. Your scoping out the crowd, having a good time, suddenly you eyes latch onto somebody at the oppisite side of the bar. The person is simply stunning. They turn. They look. They notice. But did you notice thier eyes?
Now, if you're shy, like I am, then you just got your signal wether you realise it or not.
It just takes one look, and you'll know if the door is open and waiting for you, or if you just got shot down before you even took off.
The pupils tell it all, and nobody has any control of what they're eyes are telling you.
When we like somebody, our eyes dilate. the pupils get larger. Wether it's a friend, a family member, even if it's Fido. When wee like someone we see our pupils get larger, almost as if the eyes are subconciously attempting to see as much of the person as posable.
And here's the real kicker...
The human eye has been studied over and over and over again.
Tests have been made, polls taken, and the results are in. People actually are more attractive to other people than they would normally be, if thie eyes are dilated.
The same can be said in reverse as well.
The more the pupil contractsk the more they dislike what they see.
Now lets go back to the club.
There's your sign.
You asked for one and you got it.
But was it a blessing or a bad omen?
Now let's say there's this person you really wanna get all close and snuggly with.
First offf make it a point NOT to stare. Not even at thier eyes. Well, actually, ESPECIALLY not at the eyes. In the naimal kingdom, staring at another animals eyes is the universalway to say "Fuck off or I'll beat you down.". When you do look into someone's eyes keep it short, sweet, and to the point.
Dont let on to them what you're doing.
And dont tell them what you know.
If at all possable try to read they're body language without sending too much back at them in return. Keeping your body language down to a minimum will keep them on thier toes, make everything you do look like a suprize, and make you seem like the most spontanious person they know.
Back to this person you like.
Talk to them. Make up an excuse. Do what you think needs to be done, whatever you think it takes, just make sure to strike up a conversation with them.
Now, it is a common curtosy to look into people's eyes when you speak to them, and to look back at thiers when they speak. Dont stay to long though, or they'll think you're hanging on every word they say, and while that just might be the case, letting them onto that isn't such a good thing to do at first.
Another thing to take into consideration is to remember just how unsetteling lookingh at a person for too long can be for them.
If you want to try to win a person over, you need to be calm & relaxed about the whole situation.
Dont be a nervous fidgity sweaty grease ball. They'll take you for a total nutcase, or at least a somewhat disturbed human.
Finnaly the last thing to keep in mind is that you can tell just how much a person likes or dislikes you by the size of thier pupils.
They will get larger or smaller, we discussed that already. But the amount of change they make is a key part of this as well.
Take a look at somebodies eyes when they aren't looking at anything inparticular.
Do this again a few more times over the course of a few days or so untill you can figure out the natural size and amount of pupil dilation that person has.
Now watch thier eyes and how thier eyes react when they look at you. When they look at something else. Something they love. Something they loathe.
For instance, I personally think that Mustard is the most vile disgusting, wretched thing ever created. So naturally when I see a bottle of French's my pupils get about as small as the tip of a sewing needle.
But when I turn on my GBA o when I pop in a movie that has anactress I think is really hot stuff my pupils get so large that the coloration is all but gone leaving only the faintest little circle of blue-grey around the pupils.
If that person back at the club looked at you and hir/her eyes suddenly got about as small as a molecule, then sorry pal. It aint happening, not only does this person think you're ugly, but odds are this person has a major hate on for you.
But if this person looked and gave you those good ole' puppy dog eyes, hey hey! Jackpot baby!
THE EFFECTS OF ALCOHOL
Alcohol is known for to cause irradic and unpredictable efffects on human beings, but has yet to be outlawed. And for you this is a good thing.
Take into consideration all the wolf date stories all our friends regail us with. Come on, we all know them by heart.
Your friend is at a bar. He's been drinking all night. Suddenly sexiest woman in the world walks up and starts talking to him. They sit there, pounding down the booze, and next thing he knws he's in bed with her having the time of his life. But the next morning when he wakes up she's gone from Cindy Crawford to Mr.Ed.
Could it be that the alcohol impaired his vison so? Well, the answer is a bit more complicated than just a simple yes or no.
Alcohol tends to reduce inhibitions. So that would make you think that, yes, it did affect his vision. But maybe not as much as you think. Still that makes strike one for our little buddy.
When you drink your eyes dilate. The alcohol invading your system causes your pupils to expand. The larger your pupils are, the more attractive you become to other people. Stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiriiiiiiiiiiiike 2!
The woman he sees. He likes her right off the bat because he's been drinking and his inhibitions have been impaired causing his naturally discrimination towards plain or "ugly" women to be impaired as well. Put simply the alcohol has at this point already caused Mr. Ed to turn into Cindy Crawford, but this is where things get a bit complicated.
He sees he. He likes her. His pupils get larger.
She sees him. She likes him. Her pupils get larger.
They sit. They chat. They're pupil are oversized already to account 1 for the dimness of the bar 2 the alcohol, & 3 the fact that they are both attracted to one another. So when they're eyes lock next, they're pupils will get even larger still. And when they continue to drinkm, yup bigger and bigger.
By the end of the night, if this keeps up, they probably wont be able to tell what color eyes the other person has.
Now I ask you again.
Are Dilated Enough?
current mood: contemplative
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|Monday, September 24th, 2001|
12:52 am - Rob on: Privacy, Fear, Million Of Possabilities, & Matters Of The Heart....
Not sure what's going on here, but I think something big is going down. |
The peeps at my work were teasing me about being in love again.
Is it possable that someone from my work actually DID find my DesTroll account???
I know I've slipped a few times talking about how some people call me Des or DT or DesTroll, but I've never mentioned LJ to anybody, nor have I mentioned anything about being in love to any of them.
I'm fairly certian that this account is safe, but for how long?
I highly doubt the possability of anybody I know IRL knowing about this account since I just made up the SN after trying a shit load and a half of other ones that were either taken, or had invalid characters in them, and I've made a point of not revealing the fact that my new SN is Carbonated Guy....
The true question Im facing right now is; How much do I really need an LJ? Is it imperitive that I have one? Would I really miss it all that much if I were to delete this, the last of my accounts?
Im curious about this because the ONLY way that anybody at work could possably know was if (A) they found one of my last 2 active accounts *DesTroll & Carbonated Guy* and read all about it, or (B) I'm really not as paranoid as I thought I was, and I really am the unwitting star of one lame ass, boring as hell T.V. show.
The only other option to consider, is that maybe they're just poking fun at me, because they've heard me talk about how shy I am, and they know I dontt have a g/f, so they're doing this too see if I really am infatuated with anyone.
One way or another, there is some sort of a conspiracy going on at my work, and somehow Im the target.
Could my friends possably know Im on Live Journal? Are they speculating that I'm in love with someone, but dont have the balls to say or do anything about it? Or are they just fukkin around? Or what?
current mood: still paranoid
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